he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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