Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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