Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
