she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
