do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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