I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
