i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
