So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
