I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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