he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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