We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
