Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
