why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
