whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
