How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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