ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
