i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
