If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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