Kiss
Puke
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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