i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
