fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
