Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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