I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
