Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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