I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
