Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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