which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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