I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
