All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
