you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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