Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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