Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
