You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
