I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
