I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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