My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
