This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
