I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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