Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
