all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell