i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?