In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
