I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.