I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain