This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it