Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
