I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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