Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
