worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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