Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
