You're my little dorito
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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