just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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