I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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