I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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