So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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