he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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