Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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