and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
