just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
