i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
