I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
