i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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