the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
