Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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