I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
