She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.