I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.