What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no