He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in