found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
operation have a gay friend backfired
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...