Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?