You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos