he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
