i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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