peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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