Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
