I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
