You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
